the "Ray-ban"ned train complainer

Straight-line walker
Chain-smoking trash-talker

Rubbish-reaper
Train-boarding dog-keeper

Pooper-scooper
Super-duper

Rubbernecking red-neck rattle-rouser
Multi-marriage chain-divorcing multi-spouse-er

Louis-wearing Gucci-pairing
Crocodile belt

Crocodile tears
for way too many years
about the cellphone service

Never been just on his own
looking scared poop-less and
very, very nervous